Posts Tagged ‘online dating


big stack of books

I have absolutely nothing to say about today’s anniversary that would not sound utterly trite, so I will not attempt. Your regularly scheduled (snerk) post will now commence.

Ostensibly this blog was to be used to describe my forays into the dating realm, but as you might have guessed lately those have been utterly nonexistent. I had been trying eHarmony for a while, but the one or two times I got to the point in their 8 billion step process where you answer questions chosen by your potential date in 1,000 words or less I would stare at the little text area and go completely blank. Should I be flip? Completely serious? Try and play up my playful side and be a complete flirt or try to convey my maturity and intelligence? Is it possible to combine all of the above into a perfectly crafted essay that will cause the gentleman in question to wish to pursue the relationship further, and if so, do I really want to pursue it myself?

All of this is completely ridiculous because my vast knowledge of men tells me that he decided whether or not he wanted to go out with me within 5 seconds of viewing my picture, and he will probably only skim my answers looking for obvious red flags (prude, bitch, complete moron, etc.) Nevertheless I have allowed myself to talk said self out of meeting 2 or 3 perfectly nice seeming guys because of my own insecurities, and have instead focused on the happenings in the lives of my friends and family, my job, and catching up on my reading. I may be an elderly spinster living alone with my 20 cats one of these days, but at least I’ll be a well read one.

This is a photo of the books I have been working my way through lately. I have a bad habit of reading something partially, leaving it, and coming back off and on over time (mostly this depends on where I am located when the urge to read strikes me). My favorite books are the ones that have captured my imagination and not allowed me to put them down until I have finished them.


The Margaret Atwood and Elliot Perlman novels may never be finished as I have been working on them for a year and 6 months respectively. The 2 Richard Scarry books are for my nephew, I plan to have him reading in a few days, and the E. Nesbit books will be waiting for him when he is a little older, but I will enjoy them for him meanwhile. I am actually reading The Once and Future King at the moment – so far it is quite similar to the Disney movie the Sword and the Stone, and if I weren’t too lazy right now to spend 5 minutes googling I would look up which came first, though I’m sure it is the book.

The best books I have read recently are the His Dark Materials books by Phillip Pullman, and since the Golden Compass movie is being released this holiday season what better time to read them yourself? Now that I’ve seen Stardust that is the movie I am most excited about this year.

You know, if I keep adding to that pile I could put off the whole dating thing for quite a while.


7 random things meme

Here you go Jenn!

  1. I am working on finding a new roommate. I am currently corresponding with two likely prospects from online ads, both women in their 20’s who are pursuing advanced degrees, either one of which sounds like a good personality fit to live with me. I’m kind of relieved, because before I got to this point, the only person I’d talked to was St. For reference here is a sample of St’s ad:

    Looking to rent a room in a two bedroom apt or home. I’m a professional seeking to room with a female. I have referances and a great job. Going to school as well.

    Short but sweet. Has a spelling error but nobody’s perfect. Now – pretend you are me – based on this ad, what gender would you say this person is? Well, if you said male then you are not pretending to be me all that well, but you would be correct. (I would like to take this moment to point out that I have no real objection to rooming with a guy, but I am much more likely to do it if he is someone I know well or has been recommended to me, as I have a rather small house and only one bathroom.) I responded to the ad, described a little about my house and myself, and when St replied with an obviously male name, I told him I was a little uncomfortable with living with a guy I didn’t know. And here, for your enjoyment, are some excerpts from his reply (emphasis mine):

    I’m currently living with a female now… Living here has been great. My house mate takes care of everything. The only thing she has asked me to do is keep the tub clean and do my dishes, which I always do, and lock the doors when I leave. I shouldn’t want to leave, but I want to live closer to (hippie neighborhood) area. And I would like to talk to my housemate for more than 5 minutes in a weeks time. My housemate is currently working on her (advanced degree) So it’s understandable that she doesn’t have time to talk, but I’ve lived here for a year and I feel she still is not comfortable living with me. I’m the first male she has lived with as a housemate. I’ve asked if I could do anything for her like any fixing that needs to done around the house. She doesn’t say no but she doesn’t ask me to do anything for her either. She is a monk and goes by Sister (hippie name). She is religious and I’m not that much. Which I think might makes her feel uncomfortable. I don’t go to church, but I also don’t drink, do drugs, or smoke. I have paid on time every time. She currently lives as a minimalist. She doesn’t like to have to many things. I would like a washer dryer to do my clothes and a stove for cooking. Don’t get me wrong I knew all this before I started living here, I guess it’s getting to me. I haven’t had anyone over. I spend most of my time out at coffee houses reading.

    Now. My question for St is, why the hell did you move in with this woman in the first place? I can understand no washer/dryer, that’s why laundromats were invented, but no stove? Really? What do they eat, raw food? Do they have a refrigerator? Does she sleep on a mat on the floor? I want answers to all of these questions, but to get them I would have to lead St on in the matter of his moving in with me. Needless to say, this is not happening.

  2. As I have mentioned before, I am most definitely a cat person as opposed to a dog person. I love my cat, I like hanging out with cats, I understand cats. My family had dogs growing up but I am completely turned off by most dogs since most people don’t train their animals and they are ill behaved barking machines who destroy anything they come in contact with (see: current roommates two mongrels).However.My mother recently adopted a black and white border collie that needed a home. Her name is Sassy, she is about 9 months old and 50 lbs. heavy, and she is one of the sweetest dogs I have ever seen. A virtue of her breed is that they learn quickly and can be trained to do many things, and she already knows several commands after just a couple of weeks at my mother’s. Mom is convinced that I need to adopt Sassy, and so far I have been unable to talk myself into saying no. Border collies need lots of activity (most websites I’ve looked at suggest 2 hours of running/exercise a day), so in order to keep the dog from getting bored and eating my house I will probably end up getting lots of exercise myself, which would be good for me in the losing weight department I suppose.


    Look at that smile. Who could resist? Are there any support groups for people who can’t say no to animals? This is starting to scare me.

  3. Pirates of the Caribbean. Strangely satisfying in a chaotic Disneyfied manner. Not a bad way to spend a Wednesday night.
  4. I think I have a junior-high style crush on a coworker. Yes, it is the same one who I got matched with on Yahoo! and then we pretended it never happened. He’s an intelligent, tall, hyper-articulate music aficionado with a soft spot for animals, and I get tongue tied every time I’m around him, which is awkward seeing as how we are on the same team. I really thought I was too old for this kind of crap.
  5. Speaking of the opposite sex, so far eHarmony has netted me no actual dates, but I am in communication with at least a couple of prospects that I actually hope work out. Both are mid to late 20’s, decently educated, cute, with intelligent humor on their profiles. I’ve been a little depressed about the large proportion of short dyslexic truck driver profiles (not that there is anything wrong with any of those things, just not likely to be my cup of tea), so this is a definite improvement.
  6. I have been using Linux (Ubuntu Feisty Fawn to be specific) on my old home pc for a few weeks. It is so much easier to use than when I last gave it a try several years ago, but I’m still not sure I would recommend it for the average windows user. It was easy to install, but installing programs that aren’t a part of the automatic installer included with the OS is not an easy task, and the codecs to play DVDs and some other formats are not easy to install either (and apparently technically illegal, since it requires cracking of the codec to install it). My roommate requested that I put Linux on an old pc of hers, so I think I’m going to try PCLinuxOS for her, I’ve read that it’s more usable for the Linux novice, and I while I love helping out my friends I don’t particularly want to be constant tech support.
  7. I picked my mother up at the airport the other night after she had been visiting friends in New Mexico and drove her to her house, which is about 30 minutes from mine. After we pulled off of the freeway she began to frantically dig in her bag, finally pulling out her camera and trying to turn it on quickly (this is a low-cost digital camera, not particularly fast), all the while muttering to herself about ‘finally catching it’.

    “Mom? What are you doing?” I asked with justifiable concern.

    “Marlboro Hot Pizza,” my mother replied inexplicably.

    “Ew. What exactly does that mean?”

    Rather than reply she began snapping a picture of a gas station sign which of course, featured the following tasty information:

    Hot Pizza

    Her camera wasn’t fast enough, she merely ended up getting a lovely shot of some gas pumps.

    “Damnit, I’ve been trying to get a picture of that sign for forever. Isn’t it gross? Doesn’t it make you think of eating cigarette butts? I hate how slow my camera is,” she lamented.

    “Well, think of it this way,” I helpfully replied. “If you get the picture now, your quest will be over, and hence the movie. Any good quest story has to have at least 3 setbacks or it’s just boring and no one will care.”

    She thought about that for a second.

    “You’re weird.”

    People, this is what I come from.


hello there

All 5 or 6 of you who were wondering what happened to me, you will be happy to learn that the work deadline has been met more or less successfully as of today. We still have a good bit of work before the project is as it should be, but I don’t expect any more 10-12 hour days in the near future. So, hopefully, I won’t be too mentally drained to keep up with posting here!

The biggest news in my life at the moment isn’t even mine… right about when I decided that I would start this blog as well as jump into the online dating universe I tried talking a number of my friends into dating online as well, with varied levels of success. I had one or two try some free sites, another (who lives in a different city) tried yahoo along with me, and my roommate decided to give eHarmony a spin. The others had about as much success as I have so far, which is to say not much, but the roommate actually met someone she liked, started dating him, and canceled her subscription within a month. Fast forward a few months, and guess who is planning to walk down the aisle in August? Yep. And yours truly is the maid of honor, of course. I’m actually a great maid of honor candidate since I had that close call with wedded bliss not all that long ago, I even had some wedding planning books laying around.

People keep asking me if I think they are moving too fast, if I’m worried, if he’s some sort of predator after her credit rating. Honestly, I don’t know the answer to any of those questions. If it were me, it would be too fast. I don’t trust people quickly, and the one time I have really been in love it took a long time for those feelings to grow from the friendship they started as. So for me it would be too fast. But the both of them are open, caring, genuine people who know what they want from life, and now they’ve discovered it includes each other. For someone else it would be too fast, but for them it is just perfect, and as one of her oldest friends and her honor attendant, I am going to do everything in my power to make this time amazing for her, and not try to add to her worries. She has parents, other friends, all sorts of people who will try to make her doubt. I just want to make her happy. She deserves it more than anyone I can think of.

As for the fiancé, I’ve already impressed upon him that I am a force to be reckoned with. We like each other, I think he is an amazing guy, but he knows that I am protective of my own. I think perhaps I was designed (by God? circumstances? who knows?) to be a little more wary in order to watch out for those that are not, and I fully intend to.

Orange Roses

The orange, yellow, and white roses (to match the wedding colors) he gave her along with her engagement ring were lovely, and they looked great in our house, so I think he might just work out. But I have my eye on him.

And I’m switching to eHarmony. More on that later.


things that hurt my brain

I have a distinctly tiny amount to report on the subject of my dating life recently. I’ve had a couple of IM conversations with the tall southern boy, and exchanged e-mails with the European, but no real sparks there.

The over achiever and I went out for pizza a couple of weeks ago, but after that I didn’t really hear from him much. And that brings up something that has been niggling my brain. Perhaps one my 10 readers can help to explain it for me, because I have turned it over and over in my mind and I really can’t decide what exactly is going on here. The date with o.a. went well, I thought there was chemistry, there were surprisingly few awkward pauses in the conversation. At the end we both expressed interest in repeating the event… and then a week went by. At this point I had decided that he was just being nice after our date and actually was not interested, which I could deal with. However, twice since then he has contacted me via IM, we’ve had a nice little chat, and then we’ve gone on. No mention made on his part of seeing each other again. Enough time passed between the first and second chats that I assumed again that he had lost interest.

Here is what is confusing me. If he is not interested (which I have to assume since he hasn’t called or asked me out again), why does he keep contacting me via IM? Am I missing something here? I am fine if he wants to just go our separate ways. I understand that. And I would be open to going out again if he is. What I am not open to is continued tiny amounts of contact  without mention of another date. It’s not like I knew this guy before, we only know each other in the context of a dating relationship.

What is going on here?  What is he thinking? If he’s not interested why does he keep messaging me?



moving on once more

The over achiever has fallen by the wayside. I have talked to him on IM once since our date and no mention was made of another, and since then nothing. I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to turn into anything serious, so I can’t claim to be upset, and hey, I got dinner out of the deal!


I’m currently corresponding via Yahoo with two more prospects – both are early 30’s, one is a former military guy from around here who has moved into a technology field (geeky!), and he is quite tall, yum, and the other is a transplanted European who I believe is some sort of executive. I do love accents. Both of them seem sincere, and both of them ‘winked’ at me first (really they sent an ‘icebreaker’ as yahoo calls it, it would make me happy if these sites would use similar terminology), which is always flattering. I’ve only exchanged e-mails with them so far, but I’ll keep you posted.


reasons I am a dork

  • The coworker that I spotted on yahoo right when I signed up (and who was very compatible with me) is now someone I will probably be working closely with. He usually acts pretty shy around me, but I don’t know if this is normal for him or a result of the yahoo thing. I’m not even totally sure he knows about it, but I find it hard to imagine he doesn’t. It adds a certain spice to my day (if the spice is one that immediately causes feelings of embarrassment), I must say.
  • I dropped my cell phone in the toilet.
  • My roommate laughed at me. I walked into the living room the other night and asked her, “Want to hear something really cool?” She immediately assumed that the over achiever had called, more fool her. I was actually bursting with excitement over a new website I had found that allows me to reduce my netflix queue by quite a bit. (I had been wanting to see six feet under, and the british version of coupling, and a few highlander episodes, among other things.) It is, basically people post links there to places you can find streaming video online – there is a lot more out there than I had imagined. Also there is less chance of the MPAA breathing down your neck if you take advantage than if you used something like a bittorrent client to get the same content, since you are just viewing the material, not downloading or sharing it. If you don’t really want to download that episode of scrubs to your hard drive, it is a great alternative.


  • I really want one of these.
  • I got to see a sneak preview of the new This American Life tv series at the local independent theater, and it made my week. You can watch the trailer here.
  • Bunnee. Hee hee hee.

tips for online dating

I’ve only been doing this a little while, but I’ve already had a number of people ask me (in real life) about my experiences and if I have any advice to offer. I did a bit of research before I started (I research everything), and found that there is no shortage of advice out there. This article has some of the best advice I have seen anywhere, so I thought I would pass it along.

Some of my favorites:

Your ”About Me” essay is important, so take time to write something that ”shows” who you are. Gail Laguna, JDate’s spokeswoman, suggested that I get specific in my profile. My revised essay was much more detailed. I mentioned my favorite music, books and movies. And I’ve had an excellent response. I thought my new essay was too long, but I’ve noticed it’s given guys something to talk about. It’s made initial conversations less awkward.

My essay at first was very vague, but I changed it to show a lot my favorite activities, movies, books, etc. I’ve gotten a lot more messages from men I have things in common with since I have done this. For some reason they seem to be divorced guys in their 30’s, so I’m not sure what that says about me… but the fact remains that a number of intelligent funny guys have messaged me, and if I wasn’t picky about previous marriages it would be great.

Look at who’s viewed you. Someone may have looked at you and been interested but not taken the time to message. Or maybe they’re shy. A colleague at The Miami Herald met her boyfriend that way. She looked at who viewed her and then e-mailed him. They set up a time to talk and hit it off immediately. Now they’re talking about getting married.

I make it a point to look at who has viewed me and message them if I am interested. I know I have looked at profiles I liked and not messaged them for various silly reasons (maybe I was having a fit of shyness that day), so who’s to say they haven’t done the same? I’ve had a couple of guys respond to this, so it was worth the 2 seconds it took me to send an icebreaker.

Women, pick the men you’re interested in. Most of the guys you’re interested in don’t contact you. Slotnick says most of the good ones aren’t online long so it’s up to us to immediately contact people of interest. Internet dating is the most aggressive game around. If you want to meet the man of your dreams online, you have to get past the formalities.

This makes a lot of sense. The good ones are going to get snapped up fast, so if you see someone you like, do something about it!

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