I’m having a moment – don’t read if you are looking for something uplifting

Things I wanted to say to my “father” during my Christmas phone call:

I wish you would actually come visit sometime without the stepfamily, I don’t remember the last time you made time just for me, or for any of my siblings for that matter. I really don’t give a damn about how well my stepbrother is doing in school or about the contest my stepsister won when you would never have been able to answer those questions about me. Moving six hours away from your teenage children and rarely visiting was selfish, hurtful, and idiotic. One day when you are in a nursing home and rarely visited you will regret alienating us.

You know, maybe instead of giving me some ugly jewelry for christmas that you don’t even know if I’ll like (here’s a hint: no – I don’t even like gold), maybe you could help me pay for the dental work I need or get new brakes for my car so I don’t die driving downhill? Of course I will smile and say thank you when receiving any gift I’m given, but if you knew anything about me you’d know a gift certificate to Amazon would make my holiday. Mom knew exactly what I would like – you could have manned up and asked her.

How about instead of a down payment on a boat you help my brother buy diapers and medical care for his child? Or better yet, college tuition so he won’t have to go into debt to get an education?

I hate Nascar, football, and your stupid-ass “classic” car. I also hate racism, and if I hear one more comment about Mexicans or black people from you I’m going to have permanent damage from biting my tongue. I put up with your redneck asshole ways because you are family, but that is the only reason – and seriously, your wife is of Mexican descent. Shouldn’t your stance on immigration be just slightly more tolerant? How in the hell do you think our ancestors even got to this country? Aside from your 1/4 Native American blood you are 100% caucasian pasty white European stock (or I guess 75%, whatever), and they did not spring fully formed from the cabbage patch in Virginia, they took the damn lice infested boat to Ellis Island or wherever like everybody else did looking for a better place to raise their families and try to get by. Who the hell do you think you are to deny those kinds of opportunities to someone else?

For your information, I have no intention of pretending to like sports in order to impress a man, and frankly dating advice from a guy currently working on alienating a 4th wife is kind of insulting. If I wanted to marry an emotionally stunted redneck asshole I would have been pregnant and barefoot long ago.

Telling me you love me (when we actually converse) is no substitute for the real thing. What you really mean is you’re glad I exist in a vague sort of way but it really doesn’t affect your existence in any meaningful manner. So you know, when I say I love you what I really mean is I’m grateful you contributed sperm and the child support the courts forced out of you. Just so we’re all clear.


Sorry about that folks. I’m working up to discussing some things with my father that I’ve been too cowardly to bring up before, but letting loose with a bitter diatribe on all his character faults will do no one any good, so instead I’m venting in your direction. Much safer. I have written some truly horrific e-mails in my time that would have been much better suited to an (at least somewhat) anonymous blog, and I am learning from my mistakes! Thank the internet gods for free therapy:)

6 Responses to “I’m having a moment – don’t read if you are looking for something uplifting”

  1. 2 JLynn
    January 2, 2008 at 2:26 pm

    just remember we can always take out a hit. That thought calms me most the time. I promise to help hide the body!

  2. January 2, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    Thanks Grant.

    JLynn, I don’t want to kill him… just curse him with a soul all Angel style and make him live with his mistakes.

    Speaking of which, I just watched the episode where Angel goes back to being Angelus after he and Buffy have sex, which is like the most awesome abstinence commercial of all time. I was truly torn between feeling sorry for Buffy and laughing my ass off.

  3. 4 Jenn S.
    January 5, 2008 at 3:31 pm

    I like this post. I would love it if you could tell him to his face everything that you wrote, but I understand why you can not. I have felt like this with K before. I think it sucks that he treats you the way he does. He has no idea of the wonderful, bright, caring, courageous, independent, strong, thoughtful, intelligent, sassy, funny, generous, talented child that he has. I feel pity for him. He is missing this. I for one am supremely grateful that you are my dear friend.

    Angel…yum…..oh the hotness.

  4. January 6, 2008 at 3:52 pm


    You are the best. I meant it.

  5. August 18, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    I love how your turned this into a BUffy/Angel reference!

    And it takes Whedon level genius to be able to come up with the whole ‘Angel loses his soul after sex’ concept, and have it serious and funny as hell at the same time.

    PS: This blog is so bookmarked!

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