02
Nov
07

don’t close your eyes

If you didn’t get your fill of scary stories on Halloween allow me to help fill your morbid craving for creepiness by relating the dream that so kindly visited me last night.

I along with my family (which was a much more nuclear and ‘normal’ one than the one I actually possess) belonged to an extremely conservative Christian group that in waking hours looks like a cult, but which in my dream was just a church. It had certain similarities to a church my mom took us to when I was a child and which I abandoned the second I turned 18 and went to college, but that was just a church, and this was something of Warren S. Jeffs/FLDS proportions. You see, there was a problem in this congregation: God wanted the group to have as many children as possible in order to have a full quiver of children, but barring multiple births it wasn’t really feasible for even the most fertile woman to have more than one child a year, and many of them were not even that prolific, so the Pastor’s eye swung my direction. For some unexplained dream logic reason I was still unmarried even at the elderly age of 25 even though all of the other women married at the youngest legal age. Perhaps I was tainted by the love of Battlestar Galactica? Maybe my childhood crush on Wesley Crusher was too much for the people of God to endure?

Whatever the reason, it was decided that they would use me as a kind of spare womb or something, and I would have to sleep with each man of the church in turn until I became pregnant. The pastor would bring us both to a room in his house, and while he and the wife waited outside we would do the deed. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that this was the worst dream sex I have ever had, in fact the second guy couldn’t even go through with it, I guess the pressure or whatever played havoc with junior’s courage. I’m not sure how many times I did this because the dream skips to me in labor in some unnamed hospital with no church members around. I can only assume I ran away once I got pregnant, thank God. The dream ends with an unnamed nurse (who looks just like my mom) helping me as I try to feed the baby boy who is the size of my 2 month old nephew (ouch!) and try to remember the name I planned to use. For some reason it has completely left my brain and so I just call him baby, but eventually I decide it must have been something that started with ‘Jo’, so I call him Joseph, Joel and Joshua in turn.

Happy late Halloween! My hope is that if I disturb other people with this dream it will stop haunting me – I can tell you that any desire to have a child is taking a small break.

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4 Responses to “don’t close your eyes”


  1. November 2, 2007 at 9:56 am

    Wow, that’s terrifying. Lance and I were just rejoicing yesterday because we can roam, since we have no children to hold us back, hehe…

  2. 2 GrantTLC
    November 4, 2007 at 3:35 am

    :O Congratulations: It’s a very VERY disturbed reader.

  3. 3 GrantTLC
    November 4, 2007 at 3:48 am

    I have a Nuclear family. We can’t get together without colossal explosions taking place. And exposure to us is extremely toxic to human life.

    Ok, you need to explain this to me. I’m struggling to understand how one person can embody two polar opposites of the taste spectrum? You love Battlestar Galactica (as I do, completely and totally – take me, BSG!)…

    …but admit to a childhood crush on WESLEY CRUSHER. That disturbs me even more than the dream you had, and that’s saying something! And no, it doesn’t let you off the hook knowing that I was besotted with his Mother, Dr Beverley of the Glorious Red Hair. She at least had nice firm buttocks while I believe every TNG fan on the planet wanted Wesley dead.

    Everyone, but you. You are SO not getting to forget this tawdry admission, lol.

  4. November 5, 2007 at 6:29 am

    Ok, as an adult I find the character kind of annoying, but as I kid I always loved stories about kids saving the day. Also, I am always attracted to smarts, and he had those in spaces. I stand by my crush:p


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