things that hurt my brain

I have a distinctly tiny amount to report on the subject of my dating life recently. I’ve had a couple of IM conversations with the tall southern boy, and exchanged e-mails with the European, but no real sparks there.

The over achiever and I went out for pizza a couple of weeks ago, but after that I didn’t really hear from him much. And that brings up something that has been niggling my brain. Perhaps one my 10 readers can help to explain it for me, because I have turned it over and over in my mind and I really can’t decide what exactly is going on here. The date with o.a. went well, I thought there was chemistry, there were surprisingly few awkward pauses in the conversation. At the end we both expressed interest in repeating the event… and then a week went by. At this point I had decided that he was just being nice after our date and actually was not interested, which I could deal with. However, twice since then he has contacted me via IM, we’ve had a nice little chat, and then we’ve gone on. No mention made on his part of seeing each other again. Enough time passed between the first and second chats that I assumed again that he had lost interest.

Here is what is confusing me. If he is not interested (which I have to assume since he hasn’t called or asked me out again), why does he keep contacting me via IM? Am I missing something here? I am fine if he wants to just go our separate ways. I understand that. And I would be open to going out again if he is. What I am not open to is continued tiny amounts of contact  without mention of another date. It’s not like I knew this guy before, we only know each other in the context of a dating relationship.

What is going on here?  What is he thinking? If he’s not interested why does he keep messaging me?



4 Responses to “things that hurt my brain”

  1. 1 hunger
    April 4, 2007 at 3:07 am

    it’s actually really very simple. basically there are four possible scenarios:

    1. he really likes you, but: (a) is too scared to make the next move, or (b) is waiting for you to make the next move, or (c) is playing hard to get


    2. he kind of likes you, but is: (a) playing hard to get, and/or (b) weighing his options


    3. he doesn’t really like you, but: (a) wants to be your friend, and/or (b) is needy/lame and has a difficult time conceding that he doesn’t really like you


    4. he is really unsure how he feels about you.

    … and maybe some others as well.

    so basically i lied because it is actually very complicated.

    point of the story is that it is hard to guess a crush’s intentions. my advice: try not to worry about what he might be thinking, and just do what you feel is right. if you want to pursue it, do it. if not, don’t. sure, it would be easier to make this decision if you really knew what was on his mind. but the truth is, thinking about it is probably not going to help you figure that out. and: by worrying so much about it, aren’t you really just trying to avoid doing something proactive?

  2. 2 GrantTLC
    April 5, 2007 at 3:33 pm

    There is a fifth possibility.

    5. He is an alien spy attempting to make contact with what he suspects is another of his own species. He keeps feeding you the speech-codes but, inexplicably, you aren’t responding the way he expects. Puzzled, he has repeated the process several times, attempting to siphon more data from the experience, but to no avail. Unable to rationalise what his instincts are telling him, he may have decided to hibernate on it for a while.

    Try going through the IM logs (if you have them) searching for clues hidden with the text: odd spelling, unusual word choice etc. Also, see if there are memories of any peculiar scents you detected in his presence – he may be trying chemically-encoded pheremone bursts.

  3. April 6, 2007 at 12:13 pm

    I wasn’t all that worried about it, I was just hoping that somebody out there had some insight to offer, since I’m stumped. I think if I liked him more I would be more worried about it, so I guess he’s probably right not to call/ask me out again.

    I love #5! Scents would have been hard to detect since we were at a bar/pizza joint, so I have no reason to discount the theory. It makes as much sense as anything else;)

  4. 4 Dawn Cavins
    February 6, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    Maybe he is married………TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!

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