If you didn’t get your fill of scary stories on Halloween allow me to help fill your morbid craving for creepiness by relating the dream that so kindly visited me last night.
I along with my family (which was a much more nuclear and ‘normal’ one than the one I actually possess) belonged to an extremely conservative Christian group that in waking hours looks like a cult, but which in my dream was just a church. It had certain similarities to a church my mom took us to when I was a child and which I abandoned the second I turned 18 and went to college, but that was just a church, and this was something of Warren S. Jeffs/FLDS proportions. You see, there was a problem in this congregation: God wanted the group to have as many children as possible in order to have a full quiver of children, but barring multiple births it wasn’t really feasible for even the most fertile woman to have more than one child a year, and many of them were not even that prolific, so the Pastor’s eye swung my direction. For some unexplained dream logic reason I was still unmarried even at the elderly age of 25 even though all of the other women married at the youngest legal age. Perhaps I was tainted by the love of Battlestar Galactica? Maybe my childhood crush on Wesley Crusher was too much for the people of God to endure?
Whatever the reason, it was decided that they would use me as a kind of spare womb or something, and I would have to sleep with each man of the church in turn until I became pregnant. The pastor would bring us both to a room in his house, and while he and the wife waited outside we would do the deed. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that this was the worst dream sex I have ever had, in fact the second guy couldn’t even go through with it, I guess the pressure or whatever played havoc with junior’s courage. I’m not sure how many times I did this because the dream skips to me in labor in some unnamed hospital with no church members around. I can only assume I ran away once I got pregnant, thank God. The dream ends with an unnamed nurse (who looks just like my mom) helping me as I try to feed the baby boy who is the size of my 2 month old nephew (ouch!) and try to remember the name I planned to use. For some reason it has completely left my brain and so I just call him baby, but eventually I decide it must have been something that started with ‘Jo’, so I call him Joseph, Joel and Joshua in turn.
Happy late Halloween! My hope is that if I disturb other people with this dream it will stop haunting me – I can tell you that any desire to have a child is taking a small break.